Chapter 4 - WATER

   The next morning, a few members of the group departed for Port Antigone to see if they could bring back help. It turns out there's a quicker way to the shelter from where we saw the overturned car- by sea. It was a fisherman's town, perhaps the only one left since the outbreak. The open water was a dangerous place since contact with it was the first cause of zombification, but the people of Port Antigone continued to regularly sail fishing boats, now in search of resources and stragglers rather than edible products of the sea. No one really knows if eating a fish or a crab would infect someone- no one tried.
   The port was on the coast of a large island, and the majority of its survivors were indigenous. They were able to support themselves with the resources they found on sailing trips along the state, as well as weaponry they'd  stolen from the evacuated military base on the opposite side of the island, which is where the bridge to cross over by foot was.
   I learned all of this with my eyes still shut.
   Despite all this knowledge I'd picked up from a conversation passed over my paralyzed body, I had no idea where I was now or how I got there. Eva and the doctor of Port Antigone had been discussing the history of his resilient town which chose to remain by the water despite its potential hazards. I heard everything they said, but I could not respond. I could barely breathe.
   Eva pressed something cool up to my lips. It was water. I allowed it to trickle into my mouth, and then I coughed back to life.
 
   My eyes opened. We were in a strange room, with windows placed only at the top edges of the walls. It was daytime, but I could not see much else outside other than the sky. The storm had cleared the sky back to its blue brilliance,
   I slowly tilted my head, gazing upon Eva. She was standing between me and another table with cloth draped over the wood. After inspecting a moment longer, I could see beyond Eva that Augustus was sitting with his back to mine, moaning as the doctor stitched up his arm. I'd been wondering where that occasional pig squeal was coming from.
   "Doctor Veras, he's awake!" She smiled nervously. The doctor had a look at me. He wore a grave frown.
   "How do you feel, son?"
   It was a difficult question. The truth was, I did not feel. I did not feel anything at all. "Okay," I lied.
   "You must have been out cold. You did not flinch at all when I sewed up your neck." Just as he finished speaking, Augustus let out another sharp yelp.
 
   Another man I did not recognize entered through a door at the other end of the small room. "We're near the shore, Doc." He wore the hat of a captain.
   "Stop the ship, We're not ready to dock."
   The captain now bore a concerned expression. "Is everything alright?"
   "Yes. We just need to have these two young men back on their feet." He stared at me again, and if I was capable of feeling panic, this is where it would have kicked in. "Can you stand, my boy?"
   I could stand, although I shouldn't have been able to. It was such an unusual state, not feeling anything. I was tired, practically drained of energy. Yet my body felt light as air. The ground below me felt like clouds.
  Eva tried to help me walk but the doctor stopped her. "He can do it. Come, follow us up to the deck."

  The sun was so bright I couldn't see at first. Even when my eyes adjusted, everything still seemed blurry because of the intense light. The boat we were on was large, meant for many passengers. I peered over the edge as we came up the first set of stares. The waters were dark turquoise and churning pale as the vessel pushed through. Slowly the chaotic garble of white water ceased.
   I heard a loud gunshot.
   Eva screamed. I looked at her, but she was just gaping at me- the only pain she showed was in her face.
   "Why did you shoot him?!"
   I'd been shot? I assumed she was talking about me. A couple other recruiters came to gather around me. I stared down at my body to check for wounds, and finally noticed the deep gash in my chest dripping with fresh blood.
   "He's infected," the doctor said plainly.
   "We've all been vaccinated!" Augustus argued on my behalf, "we can't be infected, he's just recovering like me!"
    "Look at him!" the doctor spat impatiently, "he didn't even know where he was shot!"
    The truth in that was undeniable, and everyone was staring at me now. It wasn't enough, but I'd given some time to consider the outcome of all this... lying. The secret was out now.
    The blood began to trickle on to the wooden deck. My mind felt void of choices on what to do next, but when I heard the captain say, "you ought to finish him off before he gets hungry," I didn't think twice to throw myself backwards, tumbling over the gate and splashing down into the water.

   I could still see the boat above the surface, peering through a blue and red mosaic of ocean and blood. A couple heads peered over the edge to watch me sink deeper...

   There was some sadness as I contemplated,
   the end of my time on this world
   the faces of my parents
   I cried...
   Oh, if only I knew that death would have been much easier that what I had in store for me... (reader, how do you think this journal was finished anyways? Certainly not by a corpse underwater...)
 
   My sobbing caused me to innately take a deep breath, but I knew if could not hurt me anymore than I was already damned. Somehow, taking all the liquid in through my lungs felt reviving! I was slowly able to feel again, and yet I did not feel the pain of the bullet in my chest.

   Then I heard a voice calling out to me.

   "Who are you?"
   I looked around, but all was dark.
   Finally my eyes began to adjust, and I could see clearly, a jaded figure swimming towards me.
   I wasn't sure how to answer. What good would my name do? Jace Orion was a dead man. The figure, although he appeared with human features, seemed supernatural. His eyes glowed and his skin was smooth and amphibious.
  His presence did not strike me as fearful, but I remained on guard as he swam around me a few times contemplatively. "Are you an adult..." two swirls, three swirls, "...or are you a child?"
  "I'm not sure how old I am."
   "How old you are plays no role to that matter," he told me instructively, "are you an adult, or a child?"
   I considered the strange question, nearly stranger than the appearance of this mysterious man himself. "I'm not an adult, but I'm not a child."
   "Then you are neither."
   With a whimsical gesture, he created a current inside the sea that sunk us deeper under the layers of water. I could no longer see the faint light of the surface.
  "What is neither?" I asked.
   "Neither is anything but, but a bit of both!" he sang, pleased with himself.
   He motioned again, and again we sunk.
   He placed his hand under my chin, observing my gaze like a scientist. "Neither," he addressed me, "would you like to live with me and the children?"
   I didn't, and that was mostly because I did not have a clue what a creepy statement like that could possibly mean. But I was even more afraid of how he might react if I refused.
   "Perhaps," I said softly.
 
   Suddenly I felt dozens of trembling fingers touching my skin. Little hands surrounded my ankles, drawing me down to the sea floor. A few fish swam around their small, docile bodies.
   They were children.
   Real, human children... living at the bottom of the ocean. They wore empty grins.

   The man floated behind them and petted their backs kindly. Upon each touch they seemed to tense up and vibrate, a behavior which resembled a muted giggle.  "They don't think or do much, but they are happy- this I am certain of. Soon you will be happy too."
   The fear started to set in. I shook my head, "No.... no... I can't become like this."
   The man frowned. "Well... I assume you want to walk on the shore again."
   I did, but I assumed two things; I felt fine now, but I still carried the infection. If I went back to land I would probably still turn. And the second matter was that this man carried a great pride for where he was living. Stating that I wished to leave would be offensive, and whether it was true or not, it wouldn't help to share it with him.
   "Not the shore," I explained, "I suppose my time on land is done. But these children... they're mindless... meaningless! As long as I'm still alive, my life has to mean something. I can't just be happy without reason."
   He nodded as I spoke, understanding gradually. "That is noble," he claimed. "Unfortunately, my dear friend Neither, you have adult aspiration in a child's body. I have not encountered one like you before, but you are still human. You must choose an element. Be pacified by my waters... or be maddened by the air."
   It was the final option, I realized.
   I chose peace.

  The man's name is Naceo. and he claims he is the god of the sea. I have no reason not to believe him. He's many centuries old, but stuck at seventeen. That was when he left the Havens to live out the rest of his days in his own creation- to be alone and far from home.
   Naceo respected me for reminding him of himself, so he passively allowed me to roam from his den at the ocean floor. Occasionally I would journey to the surface and look around at the world I left behind. At first it was a way of keeping time- knowing how many days and nights had passed through the cycles of blue and black skies- but then I realized that balancing myself between the above sea and below was keeping me sane. I never seemed to fade away into the mindless bliss that Naceo warned me of.
  He noticed this too.
  "You leave often, Neither," he mentioned one day while combing his fingers through the hair of a young girl as if she were a doll.
   I was accustomed to the god's strange but peaceful nature by now. His actions worried me less than his question: "Where do you go?"
   I was honest, and I admitted that I had not quite chosen between air and water. "It's kept me well," I tried on a smile, "and I'm considering... going up... just for a day... to write a letter that I hope will reach my parents."
   Naceo was nodding, but he looked quite bitter. "Your parents? Figures... you're a child."
   "A part of maturity is loving your parents," I stood my ground, knowing Naceo would prefer me to speak my mind rather than accept his insult. But I recalled his history and reasoning for leaving Haven. This concept he did not comprehend- or refused to.
  "Well Neither... you may do as you please. You've spent a good time down here with me, and it has not satisfied you. You must own the judgement on which life you want."
    "I'll be back soon," I confirmed, "it's only for a day."
     I pushed off the bottom.
    "Do not break your promise!" he scowled, suddenly turning grim. "You humans are good at breaking promises."
    I wasn't sure what he meant, but I took it as permission to begin my adventure up.

Chapter 5 - SHELTER

    A storm was brewing by the time I broke through the surface. I lost count of the days when they became weeks, but it was clear that autumn had long shifted into winder. Months of traveling through water hand transformed me into a skilled swimmer, and once I sighted Port Antigone it only took a few minutes to reach the shore. A massive wave carried me violently to the beach.
    I knew better not to approach the shelter from the ocean side, so I walked around the island for as long as I could until someone who’d been tracing the perimeter found me.
   “Are you alright?” said the woman, who was old and thin.
    I nodded, feigning that I was out of breath. “I saw the sign. I’ve been walking for days. Is this Port Antigone?”
    “You nearly missed it,” she laughed warmly, “follow me. I’ll take you to our doctor.”

   I had not forgotten that the doctor was the one who ruthlessly shot me with no warning, yet I was not afraid. Even if he recognized me, I could make up a story that would be more believable than rising from the dead. The boy could have been my twin brother. Lying was never that difficult for me anyways- as I followed the clueless old women in silence, it dawned on me that the first words I’d even spoken after emerging from the sea had been lies.
   However, the tall tales I’d been inventing in my head as the woman led me to the small house (the hospital) vanished as I came face to face with a familiar friend.
   “Jace?” Eva’s eyes bulged in disbelief.
   “Eva…” I gasped. If it were a surprise for me to see her here, I could not even imagine the shock she was experiencing. She had watched me drown.
    “You two know each other?” the woman smiled curiously.
    “Yes… he’s an old friend. Thank you for bringing him Mrs. Geets, I can help him from here.”  She grabbed my wrist and hurried me away into the next room.
   
      I was still wearing the tattered clothes I’d died in. Eva tossed me a new shirt and a fresh pair of pants as she muttered on in disbelief, “how is this possible? How are you still alive?? How are you not a zo-”
    “I am.” I cut her off before she could name it. That identity didn’t quite suit me anyways. “I turned, it’s true.”
    She stopped her pacing and met eyes with me once more. “I don’t understand.”
    “I can explain everything in a moment. First, I need you to tell me that you can get a letter back to Ramecha.”
    Her gaze shifted up as she thought. “Yes, maybe. When you… left… our group, I decided not to continue. I stayed here in Port Antigone, and became an apprentice to the doctor. Right now he’s helping a group which was on their way to Ramecha. If you need to send a letter, you can deliver it through them.
    “That’s perfect,” I already felt somewhat relieved, “Now all I need is a pen and paper.”

     My eyes trembled across the empty page as I searched inside myself for an appropriate tone.
   

   It was as honest as I could concisely be.

   When I set down the pencil, I took an extra moment to gaze at Eva. Her long hair was tied back in a  bun and her eyes seemed brighter. If she lost any weight it wasn't apparent, but she looked happier here than she was on the road.  Perhaps leaving behind all her connections to Ramecha had lessened an emotional load on her shoulders.
  There may not have been much change to Eva, but there was certainly a change in the way I saw her. She was strangely desirable.
    She noticed I folded up the letter.  "Here," she offered her hand, "I'll do my best to get it to Ramecha." My fingers smoothed her palm as we exchanged the paper. The temperature of my skin was noticeably colder, and reminded her of the explanation I owed. "How are you still alive?" she whispered again.
   Could I tell her about Naceo? Would she even believe there was a demented god living at the bottom of the sea? I’d made an important discovery for our doomed generation, and that was related to the ocean- the entity which caused modern society to crumble into apocalypse. “The ocean,” I began, “is the root of all zombies.”
   She already knew this, but she still remained on the edge of her seat and yet perfectly patient. I admired her as I continued, “somehow, breathing ocean water stops the bloodlust. It makes the zombies passive… like living objects. I’ve seen them down there. They aren’t like the ones tormenting us on the earth… but they’re still not right.”
    Eva nodded, a sudden idea lingering excitedly in her eyes. “You must meet Zupak. He had apparently foretold the outbreak, and he also believes in sending the infected to sea… but despite his premonition, not many people believe him.”
   “If I’m to meet with anyone, you should take me soon. See, the only reason I’m still capable of thinking straight is because I was able to find a balance between living above and below the water.”
   It occurred to Eva that this meant I couldn’t stay, and the eager look on her face paled. “How much longer do you have?”
   I’d arrived on the shore earlier in the day and now the sun had just begun its descent on the horizon. I had until next sunrise until Naceo expected me back, but I’d never spent enough time treading water to know how long my sanity could last. When the curse of the sea even slightly began to subdue me, I would immediately travel to the surface and fill my lungs with sobering air. All I knew of the reverse effect was from the day I was bitten, and trying to recall the number of hours from the fight to the fall from the boat was like trying to count change slipped down a dark sewer drain.
   I’d paused long enough for Eva to accept that it was a difficult answer. She wrapped her arms around me suddenly. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Jace…” she pressed her cheek into my collarbone, sending shivers down my spine. “Whatever happened to you- it’s just such a relief knowing you’re not gone. When you threw yourself overboard…. I couldn’t believe what was going on before my eyes. Seeing you now… it’s much nicer to believe, even if it’s much more unbelievable.”
                                                                                           
   We were embracing for a while. I must have allowed her to rest upon me for a moment longer thn I should have, because she pushed away for a moment and firmly laid her hand on my heart. She was large enough that even when unhooked from each other’s grasp, her skin would still be touching mine. "Your heartbeat..." her eyebrows twinged.
   For a moment I was worried that it had been racing, proving I was nervous and overly elated to be in her presence. But I listened for a moment and realized what she'd been stunned by.
   It was missing.

  With one last look of potential flirtation, she led us out from the side door. "Zupak needs to hear your story," she looked back at me but kept moving, " I promise you can trust him." Her priorities were noble.
   "I'm sure I can," I might've been too willing to agree with anything she proposed.
  The neighborhood was large, but the homes were a great distance from each other. I kept wondering which one we'd enter, but we walked further and further until we abandon the large properties altogether. At the edge of the forest there was an ancient house composed of wood that seemed aged far beyond any of the trees beside it. It looked more like an old temple than it did at home. Eva rapped on the door.
   A young man was there to open it almost immediately. "Eva," he gasped, "is everything alright?"
  "Yes everything's fine. I know it's a bit late for a visit, but I was hoping we could speak to Zupak." I wasn't sure whether it was a mention of "we" or something entirely else to cause the man to finally noticed me -a few steps behind Eva's side. The way he was staring informed me that this man's guests where were rarely strangers.
   "You are?"
   "He's a friend," Eva filled in for me. We were allowed inside passively. He did not look at me again.

   The building seemed even older from the inside, but that was mainly because it felt full of history. There were tanned hides of animals I did not even recognize draped over archways. The seats were mostly just stumps, but all of them bore unique patterns carved into their sides. A glowing fire in the back corner was all the heating the room had. I was entranced by the flames like I'd been the night I was infected. It took a jolt of Eva's arm to peel my eyes away.
   There was a fireplace in the next room as well, but I managed to keep my focus on the thing right beside it. In a rocking chair sat a man a century old, wrapped in a fur-coated blanket. His wispy white hairs grew long down his back, and his whiskers were adorned with wooden beads. It took him a moment to summon the strength to look at me, but when he did, his foggy eyes went wide in fear. He cracked open his mouth and sputtered, "What… is… this?"
   Eva got to her knees to comfort the man, who'd begun to tremble before me. "Zupak, this is my friend Jace."
   Both Zupak and I knew what he was seeing. I wavered backwards, not wanting to threaten him. He looked to Eva. "You must know… what he is… is that why you brought him here?" She nodded with a faint smile and asked me to explain my story.

   "I… I'm only seventeen, I guess. I was infected, so I went to the ocean."
   "You found… Rage... God of the Seas." I met eyes with Eva while confirming his statement.  
   "Yes… well, he found me."
   "I still don't understand," the old man croaked, "Rage spares no one. How is it you are here?"
   "My time is short," I admitted, and for a second I felt a deep lump in my throat which demanded that my time was over, but I swallowed it down and forced it away. "I balance between land and sea in order to avoid losing my mind."
   His body still as wood, he studied me with his glassy eyes and then returned his gaze to the fire.
   "About 200 years ago, my grandfather was the chief of the Araki tribe," Zupak began to paint his story. "The day came where the Araki were attacked by their own children. Not many survived, but my grandfather was spared for an important reason: he held the responsibility… of warning the next generations to come… of the return of Rage."
   I'd always had a strong suspicion that Naceo had a major role in the fate of the human species, but I hadn't held it against him. He wasn't sane enough to be evil. "Rage caused this?"
  "Rage began it... We as people caused it. The day my grandfather met the God for the first time, he had made a promise. The deal was… As long as humanity continue to behave purely, Rage would leave us be."
   "The promise was broken," I recalled Naceo's parting words with me, "You humans are good at breaking promises."
   "Long before his return, I already sensed the end was near. Businesses served themselves more than their clients and labor. Government and law became out of common control. Change was impossible… We dehumanized every institution we created… and turned our own species against one another… I thought the end was going to come much sooner, so as a... more youthful man," a sickly cough ironically interjected his speech, "I had tried taking some action against the establishment. I was the last living member of my family, and though I had many followers, the descendants of the Araki tribe were not nearly enough to influence a new way of thinking for all of the world. I waited in fear for rage to return, and had I known that the world was under prepared for his arrival, I would've crowed louder."
   I wasn't sure if I understood his last sentence. "Underprepared?" He bowed his head. "Rage does not know what he's done to the world... the toll his punishment has taken. He intended his actions to wipe away the population like a selective tsunami." Both Eva and I perked up at this idea, curious what it could possibly mean. But Zupak had begun coughing again. "The God..." his cough intensified, "...was expecting..." he managed to sputter between one final hack of the throat that I had to avert my eyes from.
  "...a sacrifice."
   Eva and I turned to see who had finished his sentence. It was the young man, the caretaker. "Rage only wanted our children, not the whole population."
    If that was so, why would the disease kill adults? I was patient to voice this, for Zupak's voice had reentered. "He wanted was to raise a new society of humans – a better one – by taking away everyone's children and raising them in the sea. But once again humanity proved it was too selfish for its own good, and in trying to salvage our lost offspring, we lost more than half the people in our world."
   As he finished with a defeated release of air from his tired chest, I glanced at Eva– wondering if she believed all this jumbo about gods and unsettled debts– after all, I don't think I would have if I hadn't met Naceo myself. She approach the conversation with some doubt. "Jace told me that the children who live in the seat…" she trailed off, looking to me to finish my own observation.
   "He can't have been aiming for a better humanity. The children are... they're incompetent."
  "Well..." breathed the man halfheartedly, "that does not surprise me. He may be a God, that there is a reason we call him Rage."
  "He is chaos," the young man added, "aware of sentience, and yet incapable of controlling it."
   Zupak nodded with a weak grin, proud his lessons weren't forgotten but dismayed that the truth must be so grim. "Yes... life may have potential with his creations, but anything he creates is dead."  
    There was a pause of tension as Eva I struggled not to look at each other and remember the moment we shared earlier when my heart was as silent as a stone.
  "Why then do you think the cure to the apocalypse is returning the infected children to sea?" Eva wondered out loud.
   "An apocalypse has no cure," he frowned, "...only treatment. It's all we can do."

    Zupak thanked me for coming but was reluctant to shake my hand as we departed. He admitted that he was still uncertain of what I was, and seeing as neither of us were wiser to the answer, I bowed respectfully as goodbye.
    Eva, on the other hand, had no fear. As soon as we were outside she pulled me close and kissed me tenderly. Steadily we walked into the forest, and I need her back against the tree. Her curves are so pleasant to hold onto, and I gripped your sides, working my way to her chest from underneath her shirt. Suddenly I realized my teeth we are dangerously close to sinking into her neck. What was worse was that I truly wanted to pierce them in... tear the flesh... rip it out... devour her... I pulled away just before a scream could escape her lips.
   "Did I bite you?!" I cried, flustered. I cupped her cheek and inspected her neck; it was pink end, but intact. I sighed in relief, resting my head against the tree behind her. From the look on her face I regretted my panic at once. If she was about to make a sound, it would have been from pleasure, not pain.
    Frustrated with myself, I drew her in for comfort, the bridges of our noses resting upon one another's at a slight angle. "What would happen…?" she managed to speak between heavy breaths.
   "You know what would happen," I growled, "…I'm not free from this… disease. It took my body and it will take my mind if I'm not careful."
   Our fingers intertwined, she kissed my cheek and said, "come then, I'll walk you out to the shore."

    I wished so badly I could talk to her as we began our trail through the woods down to the beach, but I lost the words as soon as they crossed my mind. Insanity was verging on me. As each nerve in my body slowly faded into numbness, I watched her move from the corner of my vision. Her skin jiggled; she was slow... ripe like a fruit. I knew better not to open my mouth for certainly nothing good would come out of it in the state of mind.
   Finally she spoke to me. "So what's the god of the sea like?"
   I shook my head. "I'll tell you... later."
   "Is something wrong?"
   We kept walking. "I'm a little… irritated," was all I could say.
   The sand was a few steps ahead, so I halted our journey. "Leave me here."
   She didn't move. "It's hard," she trembled, "I really missed you when you were gone, Jace." Had I missed her? I couldn't pry my eyes from her.... or was it her meat? Was it my rotting brain that was telling me to love her? It was wrong to try and judge my feelings in a state of… unfeeling. Yet still I knew there was something more to Eva that I craved. I felt it earlier when we embraced.
   I stripped down in front of her. She caught my clothes as I tossed them towards her. "Keep these. I'll need them the next time I come back."
 "Okay, "she smiled cheerfully although my mood was clearly burning low. She was watching me as I exited the woods in the nude. "I''ll come here often, I'll let you know when your letter has made it."
  "Thank you Eva," I called back to her as I charged into the dark blue. A wave crashed over me and I dove underneath it, allowing the sea to swallow me back inside its quiet belly.

Chapter 6 - FISH

   Eva and I made a habit of meeting up at the beach. At first I would search for her beyond the shore, but I was wet and bare skinned... it was too cold and too risky for that kind of behavior. So eventually, with some convincing on her behalf, I allowed her to come to me.
  On the west side of Antigone island there was a place where land met water through and the sake of large, dark gray rocks. They seemed like the remains of a fallen cliff that now just barely towered beyond the sea like a wilting mountain. Eva laid out a blanket and framed it with stones on the flattest surface. You could still hear waves crashing below, but I wanted to be sure not a single drop could touch her, so I climbed up to meet her.

   Today the winds were mightier than usual, and I was almost completely dry before I ascended the climb up the rocky walls. The sun set quickly, painting the sky deep indigo.
   She was wearing the towel (that she usually draped over me) around her arms and shoulders. When she saw me she tried to give it to me, but I insisted she keep it. We ended up both inside of it after a few minutes, huddling together for warmth. It wasn't that new of a gesture.
    Eva I didn't have much to talk about. We can share the occasional pre-zombie era anecdote, rarely ever daring to speak of the awful things that followed our pleasant childhood. But eventually the difficult stories were told too.
   We were both eleven when the Dackville incident occurred. I was eating a bowl of cereal when I saw my father rush in from the garage, carrying a large suitcase he would only take for long trips. He tossed it on the floor, unzipped it, and then calmly looked up at me and said, "Jacy, son… When you're finished eating can you pick up all your - only your – most favorite clothes? Can you throw them in this bag for me?" I love going on trips, but I immediately sensed something was wrong.

   When we got the chance, Eva I exchanged these uncomfortable memories.
   In her household it had gone down much differently; her mother had grown obsessively fearful with the outbreak since the first account had been released. She gave her thirty days notice on the rental agreement as soon as she put down the article, and the Segwerth family set out on a "road trip to FairyTale Land," a popular theme park right outside the capital. The children were delighted summer came early.
   Eva admitted that her weight problem began long before they reached the outskirts of Ramecha. Her mother had an emotional breakdown the day the Dackville victims escaped, and the only one there to confess to was Eva, the most matured of her kin. But Eva was just eleven, and although she could keep her mother's secret- that there really was no FairyTale Land, not even a destination to this painfully long and boring road trip – she could not handle it. Stuffing herself had become the only way she could cope with the blind optimism of her younger brother and sister, who would rave about the carnival rides and unlimited shaved ice flavors during each stop for a meal.
   Despite this, Eva had only put on a mild extra layer, enough to be considered healthy in times likes these. When the Segwerths were turned away at the gates of Ramecha, her coping mechanism that night had become more apparent. Her mother had finally acknowledged her daughter's problem, yet instead of comforting Eva when she found her hovering over several chocolate wrappers, she left and returned with a packet of marshmallows, encouraging Eva to finish them all. Eva always recalled the offering as "a heartless way to show she cared."
    The family eventually staked out in the same factory Eva had brought Team D to on our third night. Eva was regularly prepared a meal twice the size of her siblings'. The only ones who ever mentioned this accretion of food were her little siblings, who sometimes complained when their dinners seemed much plainer than Eva's. Without ever coming to a verbal agreement, Eva understood the reason behind this strange ritual. Even when her mother recovered a scale and began weighing Eva nightly, the two of them would never speak of why this information was relevant, why "250" was the magic number.
   Her mother had even begun to invent reasons as to why Eva shouldn't move around too much, for "the little ones need you to look over them," even though Amy and Sam were now eight and ten. She did anyways. Much of what she learned was from escaping out at night and being on her own in the streets. She had her mother's gun and a small pack of supplies. "There wasn't much to do by myself since I had to come back in the same condition. But most of the time I would hit the mall and take clothes that actually fit me. What I was wearing back at the factory was..."
   "Too tight?" I didn't usually prod but it seemed like she couldn't finish this by herself.
   "No... it was loose, intentionally, to accommodate for my changing body. But it wasn't very stylish."
    I laughed. It never occurred to me that the dignified and brave Eva would have fashion on her mind. Smiling with me, she continued to explain how she would break into stores and try on dresses and shirts and skirts using the dim moonlight from the ceiling windows to put on her own show, in some attempt to feel beautiful in her skin. When she was finished, she returned all she had tried on to its former racks (for she had grown immensely paranoid that her mother would somehow discover her tracks) and put the loose "pillowcase of an outfit" back on. And as she turned the corner out of the store, a freshly-turned zombie stood right before her.
    "It was my first encounter on one of my late night adventures. I'd done it a hundred times and they were so rare in that town I figured it wasn't ever going to be a problem. So I let my guard down."
  The zombie chased her back into the store, and she did not have enough time to retrieve the gun from the bottom of her bag. She took an empty clothing rack and stabbed it into zombie's heart repeatedly, until it finally ceased it's rampant vibrating and fell skewered to the floor. "I was alive, but dead in another sense... my outfit was splattered with blood. I figured I had two bad options, so I went with the stylish one."
   Tossing the pillowcase was as sweet as it was sour, but when her mother saw the green button-down dress with yellow and pink floral print, Eva dared to lie. She explained that she had found it in a locker of the packaging factory. She was briefly scorned for roaming the factory alone, but the story was bought. "I should have tried it months ago," she laughed timidly.

    From the curious way she spoke about herself, it was evident Eva had never really shared her life story with anyone before. It was as if externalizing her memories was helping her see how much she's grown… how far she'd come despite all the odds. And if I reminded her how beautiful I found her to be, sometimes I could see all traces of regret washed from her face.
    I'm in love with Eva. If it's because she is my only option, or slow insanity is driving my lust for her body, I do not want to know. She keeps me happy.
   I think Eva loves me too, although this idea grows more and more surprising each day. She may be an obese teen living in a humbly populated shelter on an island, but she is still human. Her social freedom is infinitely more available than mine.
   My only other companion these days has been nice, but any chat with him is a sad excuse for a conversation. He's either speaking nonsense or renting to himself. After I learned of his purpose on our planet I begin to view him as a plague, and consequentially avoided him like one. I decided it would be best not to bring up my encounter with the lone descendant of the Araki chief, and though – through messages from Eva – Zupak had expressed further curiosity on the god's temperament, I had nothing more to say. Rage, as he was called, was an interestingly suitable way to sum up his being. He had two emotions, neutrality and wrath, and every interaction I had with him felt like tip-toeing around a sleeping beast, trying to find the right words to avoid stirring his angered half.

   In this fashion, my life was simple. Becoming aquatic and loving Eva were the only two ways left to improve myself.
   But on this windy day, I was introduced to a new dilemma.

   Eva had been struggling to find a way to mention it. Finally she spoke, "I've been here for a while."
   "You came early?"
    She nodded. "I had to get away from the hospital. We had a lot of visitors."
   Eva wouldn't be one to run away just when her help was most needed, nor would she become queasy at the sight of any gore. This issue had another layer. "Who were the visitors...?"
   "Team D."
    Of all our conversations, we'd never bothered to discuss our thoughts on other members of our recruiting team. I knew Eva resented most of them, and I hadn't really attached myself to any of them except the one she resented most. It was never worth bringing up., so we didn't.
   "They're on their way back to Ramecha?"
   "Yeah, but they're taking it easy. They have several families with them, so ts tricky to move."
    For a moment I was thrown back into the recruiter mindset, and I puzzled over how that journey would have to be played out... what would become of the motorcycles, and how would they deal with zombies? But then I was reminded of something else. "My note," I blurted, "...did my parents get my note?"
   She shook her head. The answer was no.
   Not "I haven't heard yet," or "I'm not sure," ...it was no.

   My brain twinged as I started to investigate. "Why?"
   "We reported the causalities....we had to. We didn't know you were lying about your age, and we didn't even say that in the report..."
I was suddenly aware of what had occurred- maybe it was the way she was dancing around the words:
   Once news of my death had gotten back to Ramecha, the government revisited our house to interrogate. My parents were exiled from the SafeZone for lying about my age.

   How long had it been? Winter was nearly over! Months had passed... all this time I thought my parents were coping with my absence under the safety of the city, when really they were actually being punished and left for dead because of my apparent death. It stung like razors in my heart to think of what they had to endure without me, and hurt even worse to try to imagine where they were now.
   "Has anyone heard from them?!" I gasped, not bothering to fathom how unlikely that would be.
   "I'm sorry," Eva whispered, "they left the address you wrote on the letter months ago." They'd been evicted, rather- but Eva spared me the dark language. "They probably didn't go too far! Maybe they found a home right beside the zone. I know there are a lot of families who live against the wall, waiting for their teenagers to..." she trailed off, knowing what she was about to say would have triggered a memory of what could have been done to protect my family.

   My parents had adored Ramecha. All of their neighbors became close friends. My father had pleased everyone with his ability to fix anything with a minimal amount of tools. My mother created many gathers from her activist knowledge and social charm. They hosted events and turned everyone's houses into homes. Parents whom had lost their children early into the pandemic, people who hadn't smiled in years, were happy because of the community work my parents had accomplished. We barely made it into that damn place, and though my parents were somewhat adapted to a life of survival, they were built for a life of intellectual and social challenges.
  To even think of the devastation that followed... being shoved right back out the door that killed their only son...

   I hadn't been paying any attention to what I was doing until I noticed how woozy I'd begun to feel. I was breathing too heavily; my throat felt dry as ashes and my head was spinning. "They didn't deserve to be exiled!" I cried into Eva's shoulder. She shuddered as a broken sob escaped my lungs.
   I was in the wrong setting to be this way. Misery accompanied by air was a recipe for evoking the worst side of me.
   I kisssed Eva as gently as I could manage. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be like this in front of you. I have to go... think."
   Eva grabbed my hand. "Wait. There's one more thing I have to say."
  It was more displeasing news, I could already tell.
   "I turn eighteen in a week," she looked away from me. "I was offered to return with the team so I can get vaccinated."
   I paused, trying to wrap my head around what this meant. "Will you?"
   "Yeah," she sighed, "...it will be good! For us. You won't have to worry about infecting me anymore." It was an issue we'd discussed many times before. I was reluctant to do anything more than kiss and cuddle her for fear that she'd somehow absorb my coldblooded curse.
   But I was hesitant. "How are you so sure that when you get there... you'll want to come back?"
   "Jace," she spoke with a comforting smile, "of course I'll come back for you."
    After all I'd had to decompress today, the though of Eva forgetting about me was beyond my ability to digest. That wasn't the most pressing issue anyways.
   "How are you so sure..." I repeated mystically, "...that you'll make it back?"
   Ramecha was over a week's distance from Port Antigone as I recalled. From the look on Eva's face, she hadn't given the return journey much thought until now. With a layer of coolness glazed over her grin, she promised me that she would make it back- no problems.

   It was harder to say goodbye now, but she told me she'd be back once more before her final departure. "I won't leave you like this."
    Could she see it in my eyes? Eva always understood when the pain arrived... when I needed to return. Sometimes I wonder if it shows on my face in some sort of physical way. Do my lips go pale? Do the whites of my eyes taint pink with irritated vessels? She always hides this look of concern and disgust under a placid smile when I start craving the water.

  As I broke through the surface and little bubbles pluck off my skin, new troubles began to form in my mind. If Eva goes back... if she leaves me... me? I'd be torn apart. Heartbroken. Lonely for a very long time. But...  it would be good for her to be in a safe place. She could live normally; meet someone... normal. I would have to feel okay with those god awful thoughts because it was better for her. I didn't want her to leave, but if she did, I didn't want her to return. Getting back could not be as simple as she'd made it sound.
   I didn't want to believe anything she'd told me today, but the thoughts flooded my head as water flooded my lungs. I began to pay attention to the strange way this felt- the overall bizarre anomaly of the activity. Breathing water. Like a fish.
   "Hello Neither."
   I spun around to find Naceo floating a few feet behind me. I could not pull off a decent conversation with him now, but I could tell from the tone he approached me with that he already knew my emotions were aflutter.
   "I apologize for meddling into...personal business." It all seemed very theatrical, though he wore a serious gaze. "I couldn't help but overhear."
   "Have you been stalking me?!" I spat,
    "Well," he circled me, "it would be unfair to say I was stalking you. If you wanted privacy, you should have chosen somewhere far from my sea to converse with your little friend."
   I lacked the energy to counteract his point, and he may as well be right. He was unusually patient with me as I stormed off, swimming deeper and farther from the shore. "You seem tense, Neither."
  "I'm just thinking about what I have left," I grumbled, "The disease... its flipped my life upside down... ruined my world... caused so much suffering!" I was so frustrated I hardly cared that Naceo and I had traded roles of aggresive ranter and attentive listener.
    When I expected him to retort with the same anger, I was surprises to hear him hum softly, "you could let it all go."
   "...what?"
    He came beside me as we traveled. "I hear you have lost. You are thinking about how much you have left. It's not a lot, hm? not enough to try and pick up the pieces and build up again. Ow, just thinking about it hurts! Just thinking hurts!"
   He wasn't wrong.
   "Leave it all behind. Your life has flipped upside down. Your world is ruined. There's nothing more to go back to. The game is done... the hurting stops now."
  
    Keep breathing water.

    It was obvious that was what he was trying to tell me. It also wasn't the first time he'd try casually making the suggestion, like losing my mind was supposed to be an easy "yes."
   But in this moment in had the potential to make sense.
   I could probably never see my parents again. They already thought I was dead. Perhaps that was an easier concept to swallow than "your son is a fish, walking a dangerous line between empty and violent insanity." And it would free Eva to do whatever she wanted in life. She would have to feel bad for abandoning me, and I wouldn't have to feel bad for being abandoned. I'd be trapped in mindless bliss.
    Naceo was practically salivating with the idea that for once I might consider his offer. I suppose to him I was just one more child, yet his most difficult client. If he could get me- the boy who'd balanced his life for months just to stay sane- to give in...
   "Why do you want me to give up on myself so badly?!"
    I hated the smile he wore, and my question hardly wiped it off his face. "It'll be good for you," he sighed, "I really don't enjoy watching you suffer."
   "You don't make any sense," I snapped, "you don't enjoy watching people suffer, and yet you unleashed a terrifying illness upon the wo-"
   "People were suffering long before I came back to this stupid planet!" he growled viciously.
   I'd never bothered to push him this far, and now I began to tremble at what may come out of that mistake. I remained quiet, but my silence did no healing to his wrath. "Just when I think I'm starting to understand you humans, you start wanting more of this and less of that.. if eternal happiness doesn't satisfy you, what will?!"
   I'd put myself in the ring. I knew I had to fight back. Yet- upon the demand for instant feedback on quite a philosophical question- I felt months of living in this watery cage had prepared me for a response.
   "Humans want freedom," I answered plainly.
   He was baffled, almost enough so to extinguish the flame which was burning inside of him. "Freedom? Freedom from what?"
   "Not free from... free to! Free to be able to design your own fate... to make unique choices. And yes... the freedom from being locked to the sea! As long as we're living, humans will strive for their freedom! And I'm stuck in this goddamn ocean and I want my freedom!"
   If I'd put out a fire before, it was certainly reignited now. I'd never seen Naceo so furious. He clenched his hand around my neck and propelled us down deeper like a bullet. My back collided with the sandy floor; schools of startled fish scattered in all different directions.
   His eyes glowed so brightly they were blinding. "Stop it!" he bellowed, "stop ruining yourselves! You kill yourselves... you kill each other... and maybe that wouldn't be so bad if you weren't killing the planet along with all your murderous nonsense!"
   He wasn't speaking to me... he was speaking to all of humanity. I was dumbfounded, and unprepared to argue on behalf of my entire species. Even if I had something more to say, it was impossible to get a word out. Naceo was choking me, pinching my neck with more intensity each passing second.
   Since we'd come to the ocean floor, there were some children present. Hovering with their toes lightly dragging through the weeds, they gathered around to watch me perish.
   "L-ook..." I managed to utter.
   Naceo looked at the children, letting go of me. "What?!" His voice was everywhere.
   "Look at them..." I explained as I slowly gained back my breath, "...they didn't help me."
   "So?"
   "A human would have helped me."
   Naceo was skeptical. "Why?"
   "Because... most humans value the right... for other humans to be free."
    Naceo snorted. Once, then again. He burst into maniacal laughter. "IMPOSSIBLE!"
    I couldn't speak over his noise. He cackled like a devil. I was scared and confused... what was so hard to understand about freedom? What was so impossible about valuing another humans rights? Perhaps what was impossible was actually getting this narcissistic god to see my side.
   "Neither, Neither, Neither..." he may have composed himself to be able to speak again, but the madness was still present. "You've been neither for too long. Pick a side, won't you?"
   My chest heaved up and down. I was still parallel to the ground, gazing up at him. His finger began to glow at the very tip of the nail. He leaned over me, the light dangling over my nose.
   My perception became fuzzy.

                                 My thoughts


                                                     fled like
                                                          fish

   "Stop!" I grabbed his wrist and tossed him to the floor beside me. The children were motionless spectators.
    Now Naceo was below me, looking up. He laughed again. "Perhaps you have already lost your mind- thinking you could beat me in combat!"
   He'd let me flip him over? I knew it had been too easy.
   "No," I sighed, "I can't beat you. Nor this disease you brought upon me. But I'm not ready yet. Please, let me see my love one last time. Then you can steal my sanity."
   Once wearing the grin of a crazed jester, Naceo's expression suddenly softened. It must've been the mention of love, for now his eyes bared a hint of past regret.
   "Yes, okay." he swallowed, looking horrifically guilty. "Goodnight."

   He is aware of sentience, yet incapable of controlling it.

   As I watched him swim away, the children trailing him like driftwood caught in a stream, I recalled what insight Zupak's caretaker had to share about the god.
   It had just occurred to me how human-like his condition really was.

Chapter 7 - SPEED

   By the time I was finished explaining my endgame to Eva, it seemed she'd run dry of tears.
   "Don't cry anymore sweet Eva," I embraced her, coiling my arms around her back and neck against her head. "It had to come to this."
   "I won't go," she kept on saying, "please Jace, I won't go."
   "You should go," I shook my head. We both knew that it would be foolish not to.
   She continued to sob in a quiet fashion now, taking several stuttered inhales at a time. I couldn't leave her like that, and maybe she knew I couldn't- why she wasn't trying to be strong for us. She didn't even know it, for I hadn't bothered to share, but I was partially dreading my return to the sea now. What Naceo had done to me yesterday was painless, but it still left a scar of paranoia lashed onto my mind, conditioning me to fear this reentry. Maybe I wasn't ready for life to end for me after all.
   "When I came here," Eva whimpered," I was ready to say goodbye. The same goodbye I told my mom and my brother and sister. Not this kind of goodbye."
   I suppose I hadn't fully grasped the depth of this farewell until she'd phrased it that way... and my goodbye would mean much more than never seeing my love again. I'd never see the light of day again. I'd never feel again. I recalled how my thoughts had been purged from my head... how I'd been left an empty vessel of complacent observation as Naceo cackled over me. Life would no longer be about playing the game... about telling a story. It couldn't be colorful anymore. It would only be one color... dark blue.
   I had to pull myself together.
   What I also hadn't told Eva was that this wasn't as much of a personal choice as I'd made it sound. Naceo owned the sea, and he would not allow me to continue making journeys back and forth. Resistance would probably result in something much more terrifying.
   "When do you leave?" I asked Eva with calm composure.
   "Tomorrow... sunrise," she trembled.
   "Go," I said, "get ready for your trip. I won't go back in yet. I'll be right here at our normal time. Is that going to be enough to prepare for a- different type- of goodbye?"
    "No! it's never enough, noth-"
    "GO!" I shouted now, "before I change my mind and return now!" She wasn't moving, so I got up and began towards the path where I would descend the rocky plateau. Finally she took off for the forest.

    I climbed down anyways, standing ankle deep and staring off into the endless blue sky. My mind was racing, flipping through possibilities of things I could do with my last moments. Yet I was frozen in my steps. As a gentle wave receded, I felt something tickling my toes. A small crab – the size of my thumb- had trailed over my foot. I bent down to pick it up, holding it by its stiff scarlet shell. Its legs slowly danced through the air as it searched for ground.
   "Where do you live?" I casually inquired while resting the little guy on my palm. It obviously had no response. It raised a claw over its head and clipped it, which I allowed myself to interpret as a hello.
    I was suddenly struck with a pathetic idea; I would allow the crab to choose my fate. If it runs onto the sand, I would fight another day, perhaps even just to deny Naceo the satisfaction of the fulfilling our deal. But if the creature allowed the waves to carry him in, so would I. I picked up the little guy up as I had before, and carefully, not to dissuade him from either option, placed him right where the phone divided the water, facing parallel to the shore.
    At first, it didn't move. The anticipation had me biting the inside of my cheeks. I was a second away from encouraging it with the tip of my foot when suddenly it took off at full speed. It went up the sand, then down again into the water, swerving along the shore like an energetic drunk. Following its path with my eyes quickly became difficult, and I began to stumble after the creature, racing behind it along the shore.

   The pursuit lasted four hours. Not all of it was spent running – the crab rested occasionally and looked up at me, curious about it's satiated predator. I, the stalker, remained fixated on the animal. It was a little red button that would show me the way. One thing remained constant: the crab did not leave the shore. It too, chose neither.
   I had time to kill and I knew eventually the guy – who's indecisive behavior was annoying me to the point where I couldn't quit – would eventually pick one of the first two. But when I became distracted by a massive shadow hiding beyond the fog of sea in the distance, I finally lost sight of where the crab had run off to. No more red button of destiny.
   Somehow it was even more curious that my ten-legged friend had led me to this eerie structure.

   As I drew closer, the steam rising off the water gradually dispersed and the picture became clear: I was looking at a ship. My memory couldn't serve me well enough for an exact answer, but it was quite possibly the same ship I've been shot on months ago. Feeling adventurous after having chased a crab miles away from familiar territory, I decided to explore. I swam to the edge of the vessel, taking shameless gulps of water to ease my headache. Between the metal siding and the barnacle-plagued wooden pillar of the dock, I was able to climb aboard.
   Several minutes of creeping around in dripping wet clothes was not only drying me off, but informed me the boat was free of any people. I was safely alone.
    I stripped and hung my clothes to dry, and begin sifting through the drawers and boxes in the indoor portions of the boat. I was trying to discover the function of each room through the items within it, but it was hardly organized. Almost everything seemed like useless junk that hadn't been tossed since it was in service.
   Eventually I made my way up to the captain's cabin. Of all the rooms this one was by far the most full of junk. Every corner was packed with storage containers which either held equipment I didn't understand or stacks upon stacks of paper which seems even more foreign.
   I knew I was heading for the wheel. Of course I was going to touch it... to pretend I was the captain of the ship guiding my pride and glory skillfully over the fearsome seas. But before my hand reached the wood-carved shape, I was distracted by a word.
   Ramecha.
   The letters popped right out at me and it was like everything else in the room grew a shade dinner. My fingers traced over the map; part of it had been damaged and ripped by water, but I could still read it. I hadn't seen a map like this since the day we took off on our bikes.

   I began to think about the road Eva would be taking to get back to Ramecha. She'd be traveling alongside Team D to finish the route and return... how long would it take them to reach the SafeZone? The way we had gotten down to Port Antigone, we'd taken as many exits as we could to scan through abandoned cities via their outskirts. But now the team was just focused on making it back, and as soon as possible. They would trek up the highway parallel to but east of the coastal road we'd taken. It was the fastest, safest route.
   Or was it?
   The map still pinched between finger and thumb, I rested my hands on the wheel, gazed beyond the window, and realized I was standing up on the answer to my own question.

 I hurried back to our meeting point, although I knew I'd be waiting for Eva for another few hours. To my surprise, she showed up much sooner than I'd expected
   "Eva!" I embraced her with excitement, "I have a brilliant idea..." But then I saw someone approaching from a few feet beyond her.
   I quickly dove behind the rocks, scraping my elbows badly as I prepared for a softer landing.
   "I'm sorry," I heard Eva call out. "I couldn't stop him from following."
   Who was that? My heart was racing and my skin burned. Before I could react again, I heard a familiar voice asking the same question.
   Augustus's face appeared from above the rocks I'd slipped on. "Oh my god," he breathed, "she wasn't kidding. You're really here."
    "You told him?" I grimaced up at Eva.
   "He wouldn't leave me alone after I came back to the hospital in that shape. He followed me out here, so I told him on the way to shore."
   Augustus was still a stuttering mess. But I had no desire to waste the little time I had left explaining my condition to him."Help me up," I asked of them after realizing my arms had been weakened, "I have something to show both of you."

   I laid out the map, drawing my finger up from Port Antigone to the coast west of Dimon. "Instead of taking all the families by land, borrow a ship. On sea, not only will you move faster, but you'll move safer."
   There was silence for a few seconds, only a crackling ocean in the distance. "Its not a bad idea," sighed Eva, "but you know how many people are going to be opposed to it."
   Augustus was one of them. "By sea? Did you forget the sea is the reason we even have zombies in the first place?"
   Eva came to my defense. "The sea may be toxic, but it will be safe to sail on. I haven't seen what recruiting with a couple families tagged on looks like, but I have an idea."
   It was obvious that the pace had been slowed quite a lot, and the responsibility had overwhelmed them. Augustus even seemed much more mature from the last time I'd known him. "It wasn't easy. No thanks to you, quitter."
   Eva raised her fist at Augie and for a moment I thought I was going to witness her knocking out the pearly whites of his cheesy grin.
   "Eva, don't!" I exclaimed, grabbing hold of her meaty wrist and pulling her into me. She was breathing unevenly as her back landed between my knees.
   Our posture was intimate. Augustus had crab-walked a few feet back and was now eyeing us peculiarly. "Ohhh..." he sung lowly, "I think I get it. You faked your death... so that you and Eva could live in Port Antigone together, huh? Is that what this is?"
   Eva and I looked at each other. Should we tell him what I'd become? She shrugged, placing her hand on my leg. It was my choice. And I couldn't lie anymore.
   "I really did die, Augie. Well... I was shot. You don't remember?" No, Augie had been rceovering as well when that incident occurred. Even if he remembered what happened, it was easier to admit that the medication could have tricked his eye than to even try to comprehend that I could still be alive.

   After we explained to hum the mechanism of my mortality, Augie couldn't wipe the twinge of his eyebrows. "You live... in the ocean?"
  "It's as boring as it sounds," I scoffed, "but I've been able to maintain myself. And Eva... is my happiness."
  He was to busy processing the fact that I was technically a living zombie to comment on our relationship, though he did offer a quick roll of the eyes.

   Augustus stood up quickly. "I'm going to talk to Captain Krev about this ship idea. It would be a lot smarter to have the families on a boat with a few recruiters while the rest of the team gets the bikes back." He saluted me with an enlightened grin and charged off into the forest.
   "If this works out," I told Eva, "I will get on the boat with you. I can retrieve all the water I'll need from aboard."
   Tears of joy began to spill from the corners of her eyes. She grabbed my hair and pulled our lips together for a brief, passionate smooch, and then scrambled to her feet and began hurrying away.
   "Where are you going?" I called to her.
   "To help Augie!"

Chapter 8 - DISTANCE

   With some convincing, Krev approved our plan. Augie and Eva were to supervise the boat while the rest of D arranged to meet us at Dimon. Luckily for me, the captain did not recognize my face, nor recount that only two members of the team were aboard from the start. I'd climbed on halfway into the boarding process.

   Augie shared with Eva and I the stories of the families. Recruiters weren't required or even encouraged to add strangers to the party, but when a few more members were injured in an attack and a family aided them, they felt obliged to continue with them at a slowed pace.
   The Garcias were a strong family of four. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia were a compassionate couple, bent on getting the best future for their last remaining son, only months old. With them was Garcia Senior, Mr. Garcia's father, who spoke little English yet always knew ten steps ahead of what was going on. The family have been traveling by a cart contraption that Garcia Senior had begun inventing long before the outbreak and only finished one it's usage became much more significant than a hobby.
   When they came across Prencess and Bitty, the team could not afford another burden. But Prencess and Bitty happen to be gorgeous, tall and lean twenty-something twins that were quite close to giving up on survival. Augie, who'd grown infatuated with both of them within hours of their meeting, agreed that their team's new mission would have to mean more than handing out little cards with tiny amounts on them; they had to save people, too.
   It was a noble notion, and the team simply hope their leader could take on that responsibility as enthusiastically as he made it sound. But when the team discovered two more families with children not too much larger than the little Garcia boy, their ambitious quota started looking a whole lot more difficult. Unfortunately for the team, Bitty and Prencess adored children, and Augustus couldn't abandon his heroic reputation.
  "We've been traveling with all four groups for nearly ninety percent of the trip since we last left Port Antigone. Tid, Masco and I trailed. Our engines were always attracting the zombies , and we weren't moving fast enough to outrun them. So we started killing ever last one we saw, 'cuz we expected them all the time, and there they were. Stopping at gun stores became second priority to finding food and shelter. And we got good. We never ran into serious trouble because we never missed a shot." He smirked and looked beyond us, childish pride resurfacing in his expression.
   Eva was appalled. "You killed them?! Augie, the children are still alive... they still have a chance..."
   "I didn't know that...!" Augie suddenly scanned me with regret in his eyes. "I didn't know there was a cure before yesterday night."
   "There is no cure," I grumbled, setting unease to the air around us, "I know the disease. Once it has you... it has you. It's been chasing me for months but I haven't let it take me. One thing I can tell you is that this is no way to live, and that I'm closer to the grave than I'm willing to accept. That's not a cure by any definition.
   She was looking down. I thought about the way she could've been peering down her cleavage at the same time.
  The thought made me hungry...
                                          hungry...
                                             thirsty...
   "Thirsty..." I repeated aloud as I struggled upwards into a standing position. Eva was by my side, supporting me. Augustus reaching for a cup of water and brought it to my lips.
   The next thing I knew, it was in a puddle on the floor. I couldn't breathe something of this purity.
    "Hey," Augie frowned, "I thought you said you were thirsty...."
   "He needs the ocean water." Eva lead us down the stairs. It was nighttime so no one was roaming the boat. I gasped when I could see the pure black mirage of the darkened sea beyond the rail. Eva dragged my arm down another set of stairs and stood watch with Augie as I got down on my knees beside the lifeboat. I didn't just cup the water to my face, I stuck my whole head inside, using my hands to splash around my neck and back like moisturizer to desert skin.
    But then I saw a figure emerging from the water.... two glowing eyes growing rapidly.
    I jumped up and stumbled backwards into the rail that protected passengers from nearing the water. Eva and Augie had been waiting for me a few steps behind it, but after witnessing my strange reaction they too put distance between themselves and the sea.

   Naceo appeared upon a tornado of water.
   He wore a terrifying grin; it bore no joy.

   "How dare you!!!" he screeched, his voice like a siren "You lied to me!"
    "I didn't lie!" I cried, succumbing my bravery to his ominous presence, "I didn't... I really was going to stay..."
    "You humans... all of you are liars! Promise breakers! You're full of shit and you only care for yourselves!"
    Suddenly I was in a chokehold. Using a thick stream of water from his whirling platform, Naceo had commanded his element to form a massive, snakelike arm around his own. It lifted me into the air and I was useless to kick free. If I tried pulling away the water, it would split itself and worm around me. I gasped for breath.
   "I could take down this entire ship right now it I wanted," he laughed madly, "but why bother? In a few days, you will have transformed into a killing machine. Sadly for your friends, there will be nowhere to run. You really doomed everyone, you worthless coward! You better hope they at least have the decency to kill you now!"
   I didn't see him go. I was tossed onto the deck like dice.

   All the noise had stirred the Captain from his den. He hadn't seen Naceo and his ruthless power, but when he saw me- soaked and trembling on the floor- he had the sense something was drastically amiss.
   "Wait a second..." his finger shook to point at me, "I remember you! You were the other boy who'd been bitten from the SafeZone people... you....you were turned!"
   The three of them surrounded me from a safe distance. I had enough water dripping from my clothes and skin to infect Eva, kill Krev, and Augustus...
   He was too frightened to come forth and aid me. "Who... what was that guy?"
   "What guy? What- how the hell are you still alive??"
   "Stop!" Eva commanded, "please, Augie, you're the only one that can touch him. Help him up. I'll answer all your questions."
   Bless Eva.
 
   Augie had reluctantly offered his hand. Krev too was hesitant to come near me, but he trusted Eva, having known her as a local girl and the apprentice to the town's sole doctor.  He allowed us to enter the main room on the top floor of the ship. By the time I was dry, Eva had kept to her promise. Of course there were many more questions to follow the first.
   "The god of the sea...?" Augie wasn't convinced, although he'd seen Naceo's power with his own two eyes.
   Krev nodded. "It's true. He is Rage. My father was an Araki tribesman. We were warned about him."
   "He said Jace is going to turn completely in a few days..." Augie was on the edge of his seat, trying not to look at me.
   "We won't let that happen." Eva's enthusiasm was hardly comforting now.
   "Well, he won't let me touch the sea again." I growled blatantly. "I think 'a few days' was an understatement."
    They were staring at my skin. There must've been something wrong with it. I couldn't tell. I was only looking at Eva.
   "You need seawater to survive?" Krev stepped between us, "...there's places on this boat where you don't have to go near open water to get seawater."

    Underneath a large metal hatch, we were led down rusted metal stairs into a steamy chamber. Krev placed a large plastic cup to the side of a strange device that turned like a wheel. Slowly but surely he was able to collect enough water to make it full.
    He offered it to me, his hand protected in a yellow latex glove. I tried it.
    It worked, but it was so awful I coughed as I breathed it, and brownish gunk began to trickle from my nostrils.
   "What's this water for?"
 Krev took a deep breath. "Maybe it's best you don't know."
    I swallowed in disgust, nodded, then drank again.

   From that moment on, our trip was no longer a pleasant cruise.
   Augustus got sick again from touching the water from my skin, but it only lasted a day and a half. Krev vowed to keep our secret but insisted – for the safety of everyone on the boat – I was always accompanied by an armed friend. Since he claimed to be the sharpest shooter in all the west coast, that person was usually Augie, The ones he was feeling better he made it he'd rather be spending all this free time leisuring around on the moving vessel with the twins. As friendly as she was, somehow Eva did not get along with those girls. Whenever Augustus suggested the five of us stay together so that he could fulfill his responsibility and be around the girls at the same time, Eva volunteered to hold onto his gun and assume the duty alone. Neither of us had the will to deny this. As for me, I lacked the energy- the energy to do anything. All my life-force had to be put towards restraining myself, to hold back my angst. My mind ached, my skin itched, and my throat always tasted of decay. I never touched anyone and I rarely spoke.
    When Eva handed me the plastic cup again, I had half a mind to slap it to the floor.
   "Drink," she ordered when I hesitated to take it from her.
   I was in the mood for picking a fight.
   "Why don't you like Prencess and Bitty?" I asked dully.
   "They're shallow," she huffed, setting the cup on top of a metallic crate. She was lying. Sure the twins were conventionally beautiful and simple-minded, but they were still kindhearted- and Eva wasn't blind. My silence spoke for me, and Eva reframed her response with a tired sigh, "I don't like the way Bitty looks at you."
    "Ha," I scoffed, "Eva... I might still be breathing, but I'm a zombie. What could possibly interest Bitty?"
   She gave me a look like a worried mother. "...the same things that interest me," she answered, he voice shrinking back into her chest.
   "You ought to give up on whatever you liked about me. I'm not the same person."
   "I don't believe that."
   "It doesn't matter!" Next thing I know my knuckles are embedded into a fresh dent on the wall. "I can't go back to the sea anymore. What's supposed to happen when we reach shore? Naceo was right... I should have hoped you would kill me..."
    "Naceo?" I hadn't shared his name before. Eva had picked up my hand by the wrist and was inspecting the wound I had just created from my burst of anger earlier, but I didn't realize it until I looked up and saw her standing hust inches away from me.
   "I couldn't even feel you..." I choked, "I'm going numb!"
   She embraced me, and slowly, like a song fading in from silence, I recognized her touch. She was stroking my back in soft circles. My body loosened, melting comfortably against her form.
   "You feel that?" she whispered. I nodded.
   She let go, offering me the cup again. This time I took it.
 
  She was resting on the crate, swinging her legs up and down and bumping the side nervously as she spoke. "As much as I've wanted to ignore it, I know I can't... I've been thinking about what's going to happen when we dock too. But I have an idea."
   I was desperate for ideas. Even though it was my own survival at stake, I hadn't been able to come up with anything.
   "What is it?"
   "The first night we were on the ship... the night that Rage came for you... he said 'all humans are promise-breakers.'"
    "Yeah, he says that a lot," I groaned, refilling the cup.
    "He's talking about the first promise humanity ever made for him- like Zupak told- to remain pure." I had made that connection myself when listening to Zupak's tale, but hadn't thought much else of it. Eva continued, "If we confront him with a plan to mend this promise, maybe he'll let you back in."
   "Oh," I rolled my eyes, "so the solution is to cleanse the entire world of its impurities. That sounds so much easier than suicide." It was dark, but I got a laugh out of her anyway.
   "I've been thinking on this for a long time. The world population is less than half of what it used to be, and all production and services have become for survival, not luxuries or for the sake of consumerism..." she seized her leg kicking and slipped down from the crate. "Zupak said the gods favor smaller tribes over government and state... and now we have places like Port Antigone shelter- dotted all over the globe! Maybe the argument won't be that difficult to make! If we can convince him we're already on our way to reform, maybe we can convince him that not all humans break their promises."

Chapter 9 - COURAGE

    Everyone on the boat was ecstatic today except me. I was full of dread. Whatever was coming for me, whether it was death or resolve, would not be painless.
   "How much longer?" Prencess ran up to the captain, a bright smile pasted between her cheeks.
   "Just twenty five minutes- five minutes less than when you asked me five minutes ago," he muttered as she brushed past her. "Now will you please stop asking me?"
   "Sorry," she giggled, returning to Augustus's side as he peered over the edge of the ship. "I'm just excited to be on land again.
    Eva glanced at me, a look of annoyance spread all across her face. If there was any reason not to like the twins, it would be the impatient, giddy behavior they'd been displaying since this morning. Everyone else had been too similarly happy to notice.

    Krev barely had a moment to spare in preparation for docking, but he paused to give me an apologetic mention. "What's your plan, kid?"
   "First we get everyone safely off the boat."
    He gave me a firm nod and was on his way.
    Augie approached me with a sheepish frown. "So..." he mumbled, "what is your plan?"
    I looked over at Eva. "I have to confront Naceo- the god. Its all I can do."
 
    The only pleasant thing about an empty boat was the quiet. All I could hear were the waves caressing the sides of the ship, then briefly a lone seagull cawing overhead.
    It wasn't completely empty; I knew Eva and Augie were still helping the last few heads cross the plank over to safety, and Krev had no interest in abandoning his vessel while I was still aboard. "I know what this  means for you," he sighed, "but I can't afford a stowaway- not one like you."
   "I understand," I bowed me head, "I'll be gone soon."

   Each of them took their turn to say half a goodbye, for it was not certain if I would ever resurface  resurface once I took the plunge. Captain Krev, a solid handshake; Augustus took my hand too but went in for a quick, awkward hug. "Good luck Jace."
    Eva kissed my forehead. "I believe in you."
    I stood on the edge, wavering in the air as I balanced upon the railing. Then I dove.

   The pure water felt so good, I nearly forgot the demon I was about to encounter. It didn't take long for him to arrive before me.
   He was calmer now. Even just a week can suppress a grudge in god-years, I suppose. "It's impressive you'd lasted this long," he grinned knowingly.
   I went straight to the plan, disinterested in making meaningless conversation to appease him.  "I was thinking maybe we could cut a deal."
   He crossed his legs, floating with his chin in his palm. "This interests me."
   I took a deep breath. Clarity of mind was definitely making this task less daunting. "Hundreds of years ago, a tribe made you a promise... and their descendants have not honored that. As you can tell, I am a pretty persistent human. Let me live on land, and I will restore the conditions of their promise."
   Naceo seemed like he was considering the idea, but I wondered if his quiet contemplation was all just an act of intimidation when he suddenly blurted, "No."
    ""N-no...?" I shivered, "can I... can I at least know why?"
   "Fine," he shrugged, "but you'll forget everything I told you within a few minutes, so I don't really see..."
   "Please!" I couldn't be sure, but I felt tears bleeding from my eyes.
   "Persistent indeed." he smirked. "That promise from long ago is none of your concern, for you are no longer living in a human-dominated world. What humanity does with itself is inferior to me. I solved your problems by ending them."
   "Do you honestly believe that humans aren't going to make a comeback? We are already repopulating... regrowing... the cycle will continue!"
    There was an undertone of disgust as he spoke, "why do you keep saying we like you're still one of them?"
  To hear this stung my heart... he really was just taunting me now.
   "I was one. But I'm not not yours either... not a zombie."
   "You're Neither," he smiled. "Alright, I have a better deal." He swam in circles around me. "I was never as careful as my mother, the stars... I was never as powerful as my father, the earth. But I am still a god... a creator. Let's see what I can do with you." His fingers twiddled, each of them sparking with a brief burst of light sporadically.
   "What are you doing...?" I tried backing away, but resistance would be futile underwater.
   "Making our deal."
   I didn't bother to try telling him that the point of a deal was to have both sides in agreement. Compromise wasn't a word in Naceo's vocabulary. His touch was intensely electric, and his fingers burned my skin as they dragged across it. I screamed, cringing as his hand came across my chest and up my neck. "STOP!" I couldn't help but cry out, but I hear his voice respond, surrounding me like the water, a chorus of "ahh... but this is what you wanted...!"
   Did I really want this? How could I have asked for something so painful? My body trembled, my eyes twitched. He was transforming me into something else. Something new.
   After a a few minutes of this torture I could finally bear to open my eyes. I noticed that whatever Naceo was doing to me was also making him weak. His eyes were winced and he was biting down on his lip, gradually losing control of his finger movement.
   I summoned all the strength inside me to raise my knee up to my chest, and I kicked him away. To my surprise, he flew. He was at least twenty feet under me now, and slowly coming to. I hadn't expected such power, and starting a fight was not my intention. Yet when he zipped back up to have at me again, I was able to block him with a quick jab of my elbow.
Not only did our battle last for a few long minutes, but it was equal. I tended to have the upper-hand just as much as he did, and we both ended up on the sandy ocean floor, laying on our backs and exhausted. I knew the fight would continue, but something didn’t feel right. It was fair- unfairly fair. Why would the god let this happen if he was only looking out for himself?
    “I don’t want to fight you,” I was breathing hard.
   “Then why’d you kick me?” He was like a child when his anger took him, and luckily he was too worn out for a physical comeback now.
   “What did you do to me?”
   He rolled over. I could see he was bruised all over his back. I wondered what I looked like.
   "I made you stronger,” he was crawling to his knees now. “Your skin is tougher. Your reflexes, keener.”
   It didn’t make any sense. Why would he want to make me more powerful? I looked down at my arms and watched as all the freshly made scrapes and slashes healed before my eyes. Even my knuckles, which had been blistering up from when I’d punched the boat, sealed back into fresh skin.
   “You were right, Neither…” Naceo spat, “as long as the world has humans, humans will dominate. I’m tire of being the bad guy. So you’re the bad guy now.”
   I was confused, but I knew Naceo wouldn’t say something like that if he didn’t truly intend for it to happen.
   “What was the deal?!” I growled.
   “You’ll figure it out soon enough…” I couldn’t watch his lips form the words, for he had vanished into the darkness beyond me.

    I was left alone, puzzled and terrified.
   What did this mean? I boggled over it for some time. He was allowing me to stay in the sea for now. If I left, there was a chance he would not let me return. But we were equal in combat now. I could fight to stay, even for just a few breaths. No… he would let me return. I was baffled- yet something about what he said stuck with me. He didn’t want to be bad anymore? Even Zupak had foretold that the god’s intentions weren’t worse than society’s.
   Reflecting on my encounter with Zupak, I wondered if perhaps someone else’s wisdom could settle my confusion.

   Krev’s ship was still there when I was drifted ashore by a passing wave. I heard them calling out to me from on the deck.
   “Don’t touch…” I reminded Eva gently as she ran towards me. She stopped shore in the dry sand.
   “What happened in there?” Augie exclaimed, “For a minute the waves got huge! Our whole boat almost fell on its side.”
   “We… made the deal.” What was wrong with me? Why did I cover up the truth once again? I looked at Eva. She was smiling cheek to cheek. She hugged Augie to cope with her own excitement.
   “I knew it would work!”
   Did I not have the heart to tell Eva what had really happened? Or could this actually be what we wanted?
   I didn’t want to think about it just yet. Right now I was just glad I had another moment to spend with the people around me.

   Augie had assured us that everyone was already started on the trail which would lead from the waterside to the cityscape, but he was mistaken.
   The twins had straggled behind, curious as to why it was taking so long for us to “help Krev dock the boat.” They had witnessed the enormous tide that resulted from my fight, and had seen me emerge from the water. We caught them hiding behind the withered remains of a surfing equipment rental shack.
 “How much did you see?!” Eva had snapped, and they came clean. Even if they hadn’t seen anything, they could see me now. I was dripping wet. I stripped down to my underwear and hung my clothes on the broken plank that once had “welcome” painted on it, now just “ome” with half its c. I was paying extra attention to Bitty. Eva was right… she did look at me differently.
   “Are you going to be okay?” she reached out to me tenderly.
   “Don’t touch him!” both Eva and Augie swatted her hand away, though it seemed Eva enjoyed it more.
   “What happened? Why were you in the water?”
“I thought I saw Eva fall in.” Augie and Eva were surprised to hear me lie. “It’s ok, I have my vaccine. I might get sick like Augie did when he accidently got wet, but I’ll be okay soon.”
   “You’re very brave,” the girls gasped in unison.
   I winked at Eva, and for once in a long time there was delight in her eyes.

   Krev handed the SafeZone route map back to Augustus, trading it for another map we’d found stashed under the register of the old rental shack. “There’s an outlet right off the trail. I can grab what I need for the way back, and so can y’all for your journey.”
   “It’s not exactly on our way, but we’ll need to stop anyways. The group isn’t used to moving again yet.” He folded it and tucked it into his back pocket. “Come on, let’s catch up with the others.”
   I was reluctant to continue with them, for it had been many months since I had last traveled from the shore. When Krev gave me a suspicious look as I trailed behind Augie’s lead, I added, “I could think of a few things hat would be useful for our trip.”
   What was I thinking of? Immediately the idea of a container crossed my mind. Maybe I could travel with them the whole way if I was able to keep enough ocean water inside some type of large jar. I’d grown accustomed to smaller doses because of the awful boat trip and this time I would be fueling on clean water. Yes… I would be able to stay with Eva for longer! And even if the amount wasn’t sustainable, I could turn back and travel alone once I’d taken a sip past what I could afford for a pleasant return.
   I brought up the idea to Augie once we had made it to the outlet. Everyone was now resting on the abandoned merchandise of a furniture store. He was standing guard by a shattered window.
   Augie’s bike had been transported with us in the ship. He left it on- the plan was to accompany Krev back tonight after collecting resources for the way back. “Let me go with him,” I offered, “I can be the one to get your bike back. I want to find a container… fill it with ocean water. I can make it last.”
   “Are you sure a container is going to be enough? I mean… how big are we talking?”
   I peered beyond the broken glass and spotted a sporting goods store. “I could carry at least five canteens in a backpack. If I’m running low by the third one, I could turn back sooner.”
   He gave me a worried look.
   “I know,” I sighed, “I’m really pushing my limits. But I really want to protect Eva, and-”
 “Protect?” Augie snorted, “If anything, it’s Eva who is protecting you! Are you scared she won’t come back for you?”
   Was I? No… I was afraid of being alone. I didn’t want to leave the group. Moving with them felt confirming to my humanity.
   It was too complicated to explain, especially to someone like Augustus. So I left it at that. “Please let me do this,” I grit my teeth, “I just want to be with her.”

   Augustus was eventually understanding, overwon by the idea of passion for a girl. During the ferry ride, he and Prencess had become more exclusive. I knew he had a soft spot for love.
   But the plan was shut down immediately by Krev.
   “No offense kid,” he looked me up and down with a bitter frown, “but you make me nervous. I’m not going anywhere with you if it’s not without him.”
   He was pointing at Augustus.
   I gave Augie the same pout as I had before. “I can ride on the back. Please, Augie.”

    Krev wasn’t very thrilled by Augie’s final choice.
   We started at the supermarket. It was peculiar to be inside a building again, much less a remnant of the pre-apocalyptic era. This grocery store had hardly been touched. At first it seemed we should be delighted by the surplus of food and supplies, but then a dark thought dawned on us: towns nearby the ocean were probably invaded by the disease too rapidly to escape it.
   Which must mean this city was crawling with children.
   Just as the realization had hit all three of us, a dank scent of death filled the air. We stumbled backward as soon as we’d entered the aisle. Two dead bodies were strewn in pieces across the floor.
    Before any of us could inspect further if they were freshly killed or just a tragedy of the pat, we heard a metal clank, and a can of soup rolled slowly across the floor.
   We stood terribly still. Whatever it was… or were…
   They were small, like kindergartners. There were twelve of them and they looked like skeletons. They were far too malnourished. Zombies wouldn’t die of starvation, but it affected their appearance. There wasn’t a trace of human left inside of them.
   Augie didn’t hesitate to shoot, but we were outnumbered. They weren’t particularly fast creatures, but running wouldn’t do any good. They had ambushed us from the exit.
    I grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be a small box of salt. I hurled it at one of the children, and the package exploded upon the impact of its chest. I continued forward; flight shifting to flight.

   I slaughtered all of the children within the same minute we sighted them. Blood all over my arms and legs, I looked back and growled at Augustus, “I must need extra protection, huh?”
    He was quiet.
    Krev concluded his sour attitude towards me after I’d saved them in the supermarket. Next we raided the sports store. I took a backpack, four canteens, and their heaviest baseball bat. Krev took one too.
   But when we made it back out to the shore, we were in for a horrible surprise.
 
   The ocean was gone.